


Saying it With a Public Service Announcement

by misura



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Interviews, Multi, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-09
Updated: 2012-04-09
Packaged: 2017-11-03 08:11:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/379222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony talks about himself for a bit on national TV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saying it With a Public Service Announcement

"Although personally I would have to consider it very unlikely, I feel I should point out that it is actually conceivable that I have, in fact, gotten ten bucks every time someone told me they knew my father - as opposed to being rich simply because I'm a genius and a brilliant businessman in addition to being stunningly handsome - "

"And modest," Rhodey said. "Don't forget modest."

" - stunningly handsome and incredibly modest." A beat. "Of course, that's relatively speaking. I mean, if I were completely honest with you, Carol - "

"Crystal," Pepper said. "And please. Don't be."

"It's fine," Crystal said, gazing at Tony as if he was, well, stunningly handsome. Which he was, sort of, Rhodey supposed, if you were into that kind of look, and the money probably didn't hurt either, and possibly, he should be putting on a better pokerface, because Tony flashed him a grin that was entirely too smug to mean anything other than that Tony'd figured out Rhodey'd been thinking fond thoughts of him, and Tony really, really didn't need the ego boost.

"Fine to be honest or fine to call you Carol?" Tony asked.

"You'd think a genius wouldn't need to ask," Pepper muttered, _sotto voce_.

"The truth is, Carol, I'm deeply in love with my former Personal Assistant, now the CEO of Stark Industries, Miss Pepper Potts," Tony said. "Madly in love, even, you might say. She's smart, she's intelligent, she's got great legs, and she's everything I could possibly wish for in both a woman and a friend. I'm also in love with Rhodey. He's - well, he's okay. Easily embarrassed. Bit shy."

"Remind me why I'm here again?"

"But," Tony went on, "but. There's more. You see, Crystal - "

"Carol."

"You see, Carol, I'm not here to talk about my father. I'm not even here to talk about the two people I love more than anyone in the world. I'm here, because Captain America - you know the guy: big shield, completely retro outfit that looks like someone cut up our flag, kind of tall and muscly and blonde, because Captain America happens to be watching your show right now. How do I know this? Good question. I know this because it's what I told him to do."

"This can't be good."

"When I was a kid, I wanted to _be_ Captain America. I admired him. I worshiped him. I thought he was the bestest, greatest, awesomest guy who'd ever lived. And now he's back. He's here. And I'm not a kid anymore, but I still think he's pretty awesome. Now, I wouldn't want to be anyone other than who I am. I'm good with that. I don't want to be Captain America anymore; we've got someone doing that already, and I think he's doing a pretty good job. What I do want is to have sex with him. Just once. Because I think that would be pretty awesome, too. That's all I wanted to say here."

 

("Sorry, sour patch, I should have said you've got great legs, too.")

(" _That_ 's what you're sorry about? Tony, you just propositioned _Captain America_. Live. On TV.")

("I know, Rhodey. I was there. Thanks for showing your unconditional support by being there, too.")

("Where's Pepper?")

("She said she had to go powder her nose. Or possibly make a phone call.")

 

("I'd be honored to have dinner with the three of you, of course. Um.")

("Yeah. That's Tony for you. A whole lot of um, and then some.")

("He was just kidding about the - that last bit, right? I've noticed he tends to do that.")

("Out of curiosity, if you wanted to, could you just ... disappear for a while?")

("I don't think so.")

("Totally kidding. Don't worry about a thing - like you said, Tony's always being ... Tony.")

("Oh. Good. I'll look forwards to dinner, then.")


End file.
